My grandparents were God fearing people, but they were not saved. I went to a wee mission hall run by a lovely man called Mr Lee Burn. He would round up all the children in the area and take them to the mission hall to tell them about Jesus.
I was a very shy and fearful child, afraid of my own shadow, but I felt very comfortable and drawn to Mr Lee Burn. He was a friend of my grandparents; I trusted him and loved to listen to him talk about the Bible and Jesus.
One night when I was eleven, I got saved. I’ll never forget it. I felt so happy and loved and so proud that my daddy Jesus loved me, I will always cherish the memory of that night all those years ago, it’s a pity you can’t turn back the clock.
When I was sixteen I fell in love with Michael, he was good for me and to me, we were getting married on the 28th November, exactly 1 month before my eighteenth birthday, it was all set wedding and reception all booked wedding dress ready.
My Michael went out with his friends when they had an accident in the car, and although he was in the back of the car it didn’t save his life. My Michaels beautiful neck was broken, he was taken away from me forever, and he had taken my heart with him. My life changed after that for the worse I might add, I did still love my Lord Jesus, but I rebelled and drifted slowly away.
I never blamed the Lord for his death; I just couldn’t understand it, or how I felt. I felt dead. Anyhow, I got into a new group of friends, I was lonely and began drinking and smoking totally out of control, a different person to whom I was before Michael’s death.
Time passed by, I still had Michael in my heart, but it was very badly broken, it’s funny but I knew the Lord still loved me, it only could have been him, the situations I got myself into, I hated myself and my life just wanted Michael back to waken up from a bad dream.
I was almost twenty when I had to have an operation to have my appendix out. While I was in hospital my grandfather took a severe heart attack and died. (I never called him granda I called him daddy) he was the only dad I knew apart from Jesus.
I blamed myself; I thought I could have died instead. Why was God keeping me alive? I started self harming myself after that. I slashed my wrists very badly and had to stay in hospital a few days. Three weeks after his death I was in bed with both my wrist bandaged up, I wasn’t asleep when I looked up, my daddy was standing there looking at me and smiling. He was dressed in his grey suit he got buried in. We were very close and he said to me, “You’re going to be alright love”, I never saw him again.
I wanted some normality in my life, I wanted to be married, I wanted children, and I always loved children. I met my husband and we had a daughter called Charlene. I couldn’t believe she was mine, she was beautiful. I could feel love in my heart again, for my baby.
It wasn’t a good marriage, my husband turned out to be an adulterer and wife beater. This went on for several years. My daughter was the only one keeping me in the land of the living. I started taking a few drinks again as it took the pain away for a while, I was alone, he was out drinking and womanizing.
I thought this must be my punishment for my sin; it wasn’t long before I got another beating. This time he went too far, it couldn’t be hidden. This time I had a badly broken nose and cracked ribs, as well as a black eye. I had to be kept in hospital. I wished he had killed me and set me free, but then what would become of my daughter? The doctor called the police, I didn’t press charges but I swore he would never touch me again, the doctor urged me to leave him, which I was going to.
During my marriage to him, I had four miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy and had to have my left fallopian tube removed. In the midst of all this my brother whom was ill from a brain tumour died. He was 34 years of age and left a wife and 3 small kids. Six months later my aunt died with breast cancer.
Everyone I loved was leaving my. I honestly thought there is a curse in this family. I moved back home with my grandmother who was in ill health and I looked after her. She didn’t like hospitals and looked after me as a child, now she needed me. After some time she died, well that was it. The time bomb inside my head had gone off.
I couldn’t cope with anymore heart ache and I tried to take my own life. When it didn’t work, I thought God doesn’t want me either. I was made to go see a councillor and take antidepressants; my health took a turn for the worse. There was only me and my daughter at home and she was going to Bangor Tech. I just couldn’t let my nanny go she was my soul mate, I had no one to talk to, and I needed to know if she was alright. A friend of my sister in laws took me to a spiritual church on the Lisburn Road.
They give me messages from as I thought at the time was my loved ones, even described them to a T. I know better now but at the time I actually thought there was no harm in it, and it gives me comfort to know they were all right. I went a few times.
O started praying to God again, thanking him for helping me to hear my loved ones, I thought they were nice people, they prayed to Father God and sang hymns, to be honest I believed it because I needed to for my sanity at the time. I knew no better; little did I know that God was on my case
I began to notice they didn’t read from the Bible, so when I asked them why they replied they didn’t read from any book because all religions came there and there would be too many different books to read from and they didn’t have enough time.
I asked the Lord in prayer, “”Father, if I am doing the wrong thing please give me some sort of a sign, I don’t want to do anything against your will”, and a few weeks later he did just that. One night when I was there, after the service was over a man approached me, I didn’t see him I had my back to him.
He tapped my left shoulder and asked if he could have a word with me, and we went over and sat down he told me he worked for the police and it was his first time there. He asked my questions about myself and seemed to know the answers there was something about him.
I was aware of people watching us talking and I thought they knew him, I felt odd with him. I noticed his eyes; they seemed to look into your very soul. To cut a long story short he asked me if I believed in God, I thought that was strange, I replied that I did.
He asked me if I was being tortured by the spirit of a lady with white lady and glasses, I said no as I thought he meant my nanny. He then asked me if I prayed and I said of course, what he said next didn’t sink in then but did when I went him, he told me to pray harder.
I don’t know what happened but the fear of God poured into me. My friend asked if I was alright as I went white as a sheet. I’m not surprised I didn’t feel uneasy with him but on my way home and at home the fear of God was in me. I didn’t know what was going on at the time. Please God help me what does it mean?
A few days later my cousin Dean phoned me, he is a Christian, which was unusual was as he told me he had a message for me from God. He said I was in danger and I had to stop going to that church. He said that he knew that I thought there was no harm in it, and that they were very smart people.
He told me it wasn’t my loved ones that it was the Devil to deceive me, he said the father of lies, please Anna don’t go back to that place at least until I come back from holidays and talk to you, I don’t want to upset you but please you’re in danger, and he knows you belong to God.
I told him about the man who spoke to me and he said he was a messengers from Lord, my Lord had cared enough about me to send and angel to warn me, and dean was a second warning my Lord is awesome, back slider or not he still loved me and was waiting with arms opened wide for me to repent of my sins and be forgiven. I didn’t ignore the lo0rd, I never would. I never went back to the church and I kept my word to dean as well. About a week later when I was walking up the road a woman approached me and asked if I would like to come to their church as they were starting an alpha course.
It didn’t look anything like a church from the outside, but inside was quite nice. I started going back to church and got the old feeling I had before. I could feel the love of god pulling me back to him, I wanted him more than life itself, and needed him now that void was being filled after all those wasted years of misery, I couldn’t live another day without him.
I was a walking corpse for years, a broken spirit the Lord wanted to put back together again because he loved me. I gave myself back to the Lord Jesus and not before time to. I started to feel ill again and I lost a considerable amount of weight, after numerous tests they found a tumour on the tail of my pancreas.
They said it was the size of an egg and they would have to operate, and they couldn’t tell me anymore until the opened me up. Also my spleen was swollen and could be damaged by the surgery and they were concerned about blood vessels around my spleen, in short I could bleed to death on the table. They said I was too weak at the moment to operate, and that they wanted to build me up in hospital so that I would be fit enough for surgery. They put a tube up my nose and down my throat, and hooked me up to a machine to feed me with what looked to be baby milk.
I wasn’t in the least bit worried, I knew the Lord didn’t bring me back from the depths of hell to put me back there. For he is merciful, loving and faithful to his children who love and trust him. I had great confidence and comfort in the Lord. I told the doctors this.
The morning of the operation the doctors asked me if I was sure I wanted to go through with it, and did I understand the consequences if the blood vessels severed, I told them there was a wonderful god in heaven who would be there with me and who would guide their hands and nothings would go wrong.
The doctors said he wished he had my faith, I asked him did he believed in god, he looked at me for a second and said yes I do smiled and nodded his head. I was so calm I knew the Lord was with me. Before I went into hospital the Lord told me when I came out I would never smoke another cigarette and he was true to his word, that was 4 years ago and I haven’t had one smoke since, when the Son sets you free you are free indeed. Praise the Lord.
The surgery took eight hours; I was in ICU with no blood vessels severed. The operation went well and they did have to remove my spleen, and that the tumour wasn’t cancerous. How great is our God. The doctor told my mum and daughter I was right in what I said about the Lord guiding his hands, what a witness.
They said I could be a diabetic, and that I would be dependent on antibiotics for the rest of my life. I took blood poisoning a few days after going back into the ward, and had fluid in my left lung. This time I was very ill. They were drumming all sorts of medication into me and killed all my veins.
They sent for my family and said I wasn’t responding to the medications so far, they couldn’t give me any through the veins so they would have to try orally, and as I was out it how were they going to get me swallow them? They said to expect the worse over the next 24hours.
Satan wanted to kill me, but the Lord had other plans for me, as I am sitting here writing this testimony I survived. The Lord is the power over principalities, he is victorious, and I am cleansed by the blood of the lamb. Against all odds I am here today.
I am supposed to be a diabetic, and I am not, I have immune systems and have to take medication for the rest of my life. I put all my trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. I haven’t taken any medication for 4 years, and the Lord have kept me germ free. I don’t get any yearly jabs, although I’m suppose to, I sit beside people coughing and spluttering and I don’t catch anything, and my doctor can prove it.
What am I saying? I am saying the Lord has out armour on me, germs just bounce off me, I have put my trust in him now for 4 years and it speaks for itself, that’s the sort of loving god we have, and against the advice of my doctor I have a better doctor, the ultimate Christ.
For anyone who is reading this and doesn’t know Jesus, I urge you not to miss out. Repent of your sins and make Jesus king of your life, he will never let you down. Please don’t leave it too late, don’t be left behind, be in the light and not in darkness. Jesus is the light of the world.
Friday, 4 November 2011
My Testimony - Richard Pinkerton
I woke up on Friday morning with my bags packed, almost ready for my holiday which I had booked on 12th Dec 2008 to go to Thailand for 10 days during Chinese New Year (Spring Festival).
For a few days prior to Friday morning I had not exactly been as excited as I normally would have been about leaving but I couldn’t exactly explain why, even to myself. I guess that deep down in my heart I knew that going to Thailand to drink heavily, frequenting topless dancing bars was WRONG but I always seemed to try to blank that out, believing that I was just young and having fun.
Just to go off the subject a bit, I had met a young Filipino girl called Elaine just before Christmas in China (in an Irish bar that myself and the majority of my work mates would go to at weekends). Elaine and her fried Mariel are both singers in a group (very talented singers too).
I had asked this girl out on two occasions, once before Christmas and once after Christmas but she turned me down much to my disappointment. (It turns out this was simply because she didn’t know me very well or the type of person I was but after speaking to her on a number of occasions, and volunteering for singing a few times on stage, she agreed to go out with me) Just this week I had come to listen to her singing three nights, (Mon, Tue and Thurs night). Which brings us up to the present again, Friday morning.
I was having breakfast on 26th floor of the Sheraton Hotel (which is where I stay in Shenyang), and I received a text from Elaine asking me if I wanted to meet for lunch. So, of course I agreed. We arranged to meet around 12.30pm and we went for coffee and then to a Thai restaurant (of all places) for some food. We then went walking round a few Shopping Malls and took a few photographs together. We talked more than we had previously had a chance to talk in the bar and we were both asking questions about each others family and just other general things like favourite movies, music etc. I remember telling her about my brother being a Christian, she asked me if I was a Christian but I said no, and that maybe someday I could learn to be a better person…….
After that, I walked Elaine back to the Intercontinental Hotel where she stays and thumbed a taxi back to my hotel. We exchanged a few messages about how we would miss each other and I tried to cheer Elaine up by saying that 10 days would fly by and that the day I arrive back in China, I would call her right away and we could meet for lunch again.
Anyway, I raced back to my Hotel, grabbed my bags and got a taxi to the airport. I got checked through ok with time to spare and I sat anxiously waiting my flight. (when I say anxiously, I mean butterflies in my stomach because I am not too fond of flying at all). If I’m honest, its because of the frightening thought that if anything happens at 30000ft, and the plane goes down, there’s little or no chance of survival, and I was VERY afraid of dying.
I come from quite a large family, many of whom are saved and I was brought up going to church and Sunday School and taught to believe in God, who lived and then died for us all, that we might live, and who then was resurrected from the dead and ascended into Heaven to be with his Father, with the promise of returning again one day. I was not saved and had never felt convicted enough (well, maybe on a few occasions before but I never pursued this conviction and therefore still remained unsaved).
To go back to what I said previously about being afraid of dying, the reason for this is that based on what I had been taught about the bible, if a person is not saved, then he/she will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven and will be heading on a one way ticket to an eternity of flames, pain and suffering so, needless to say, you can understand why I was afraid of dying.
I boarded the flight (CA 1656, Shenyang - Beijing), seat number 23A (notice how the number 23 appears)…….My date of birth is 23/09/1981, the date I flew on was 23/01/2009, and my seat number on this flight was 23A. Spooky……
Anyway, I geared myself up for take-off and we left the runway right on time at 5.10pm, the flight time being around 1hr 15 mins. I remember thinking, “how am I going to fly the next flight (which was 4.5 - 5 hrs) if I’m already like a nervous wreck on the short flight”. The flight was a little rocky to start which sent my pulse racing a few beats higher than it already was but the last 20 mins of the flight were completely nerve-wracking for me. I thought we were goin down for sure.
There was a very pleasant Chinese girl sitting beside me who, when she saw my face turning the colour of a pint of milk, was very helpful in trying to give me reassurance and make me feel better and I thanked her afterwards and helped her off the flight with her hand luggage.
I remember thinking about God a lot on this flight (whilst practically having a cardiac arrest) and asking him to deliver me safely to Beijing, but I also remember wanting to talk to my brother, who was recently saved a few weeks before Christmas 2008. I wanted to talk to him so much!!! When I got off the flight and made my way through the transfers for International connecting flights for the next leg to Bangkok, all I could think about was God and how I needed to be saved, how I wanted to talk to my brother so much but was a little reluctant to phone him because I thought he might think I was being a bit daft and also how much I didn’t want to go to Bangkok anymore. (In retrospect I believe that was the devil at work - he didn’t want me to call my brother because he knew that today was the day when I was possibly going to be saved).
I sent my brother a text to tell him how rough the flight was and how I didn’t know how I was going to handle the next one to Bangkok. He text me back to say how scary flying can be...and added a little comment to say “when you aren’t saved that is”…….which then prompted me to reply “Will you ask the big man to keep an eye out for me?”
He then responded “I already have kid, but I also asked him that you would experience something that would change your life and bring you to him. Maybe this is it brother.”
To this I replied “Well its very close, that’s for sure”
My brothers next response to my text totally blew me away and I can remember my eyes filling up with tears when I read it, walking through Beijing airport on my own, trying to find departure gate E51.
The text message read. “Well then you’ll be fine because he won’t let you go kid”
When I read those words, I broke down and started talking to God out loud and saying “Lord…….Please DON’T let me go” “I need you, and I need you to take control of my life because I just don’t want to live like this anymore!” Right there at that moment is when I made my peace with God. How fortunate I am to be one of the lucky ones to receive him.
After I composed myself a little (because I’m sure some people were wondering why I was all teary eyed) I told Raymond I didn’t really want to go to Bangkok anymore and I didn’t know what I was going to do when I arrived there and I asked Raymond if I should turn around and go back to Shenyang, at which point he phoned me and told me that God was working on my heart and he was taking away the appetite for the things I once enjoyed. He told me that it doesn’t matter what things I have done in my life, that if I ask God into my heart, all will be forgiven.
I told Raymond that I had packed the Bible he had bought me for Christmas in my hand luggage (I always used to take the New Testament my Grandmother had bought me a couple of years before EVERYWHERE I travelled, and I ALWAYS packed it in my hand luggage but I took the Bible Raymond and Michelle got me for Christmas this time) and he said he would text me a few verses and things to read and think about. (Now remember that last sentence because it will become important later in this story)
Anyway, I had around 30 minutes before I was due to board the plane, and I had a decision to make………was I going to board that flight to Bangkok or was I going to turn on my heels and take my chances in Beijing (even though its Chinese New Year and the hope of finding a flight, train or even hotel to stay in were pretty slim because so many people travel during this week, the biggest festival week in the Chinese calendar). Raymond got off the phone and said he would phone back when he got a chance.
Decision time……..and thinking about it now, the choice was easy because the choice had already been made long before I even boarded the first flight to Beijing, and it was the right choice, I just hadn’t realised that yet - I was never going to board that flight quite simply because God had already decided he didn’t want me there. Praise the Lord!
While all these texts were flying back and forward between me and my brother, I also had a feeling that I should text Elaine back in Shenyang. I told her that the flight was really rough and that during the flight I couldn’t stop thinking about God, and told her it felt like God didn’t want me to go to Bangkok. I asked her if this sounded stupid to her but she responded by saying that it didn’t sound stupid at all, that it sounded great, and she told me to follow my heart….that it would lead me in the right direction. How right she was!
There’s a reason God placed Elaine in Shenyang and that we met and become fond of each other...that was another good reason NOT to go to Bangkok, so that I could spend more time getting to know Elaine.
I guess this was playing in my mind too, not just the fact that in my heart of hearts I knew going to Bangkok was wrong, but the fact that I had met a lovely young Filipino girl in Shenyang and we both liked each other………why should I go and ruin this good thing by hanging around in topless disco bars and clubs for the next 10 days.
So, I turned on my heels, not really sure where I was going to go next but all I knew was, I was NOT getting on that flight and that was the main thing. I made my way back to where I came through security when I spotted the Air China Business lounge, (Being a Star Alliance Gold card holder, I had free access to this business lounge) so I decided to go there in the hope that someone would be able to help me find out how I could get back through airport security and see about getting back my checked baggage before it was too late.
The two girls in the lounge were very helpful, they let me onto a computer terminal where I was able to cancel my reservation with the hotel in Bangkok so that I could minimise the amount of money they could charge to my credit card. The girls then walked me back to security where I had to have my passport visa re-stamped to confirm that I was not leaving China but in fact staying there. I thanked the girls and then made my way to the air China baggage reclaim desk to try to retrieve my baggage.
Alas, I was too late, the bag had already boarded the flight to Bangkok so I then had to fill a form out and was told to return the following day to collect my bag. When I left the Air China desk I wasn’t sure where to go next but I managed to spot a Tourism kiosk where I enquired about making a hotel reservation anywhere in Beijing for the night. Thankfully, the girl told me there was a vacancy in a Chinese hotel not far from the airport and that if I booked it there and then, they would run a free shuttle-bus service which would take me to the hotel. Fantastic I thought, just what I need!
I paid 100RMB (equivalent to £10 British money) as a deposit and then set on my way. I had to wait around 30 minutes for the bus but I didn’t mind because I then went to the 4th floor of Terminal 3 where I was earlier told that I may be able to see about getting a refund on my flights which were scheduled back to Shenyang from Bangkok on 2nd February. Unfortunately, they were unable to help me and said that I must speak to the travel agent where I originally booked the flights which is on the 4th floor of my hotel in Shenyang. I will hopefully sort this out upon my return.
Anyway, I boarded the bus and headed for the hotel. I had to pay another 1200RMB (£120) to get into my room, which was more than I had been previously told but it turned out, some of this room charge was for security deposit (in case anything was broken or stolen from the room) and I would receive some money back upon checking out in the morning (420RMB in fact) so it worked out that the room cost £88 for the night.
When I got to my room, I was texting Raymond………he said he would be busy for about an hour because he had to pick up the kids from school and things so I decided to set up my laptop computer and check my emails. It turns out that the room had no wired or wireless internet connection, (£88 per night room with no Internet connection!) Are you avin’ a laugh??
So I went back to my hand luggage and decided to lift out my Bible to have a read through the book of Romans which the bro had previously said was a great place to start. Here’s where things get even more spooky……..My Bible was GONE!!! Nowhere to be found…….I immediately thought to myself, there’s evil at work here….and I remembered back to what Raymond had said about the devil and how he works……he told me Satan would pull out all the stops to ensure that I couldn’t get close to God, he said he would try everything in his power, he would play dirty, he would hit below the belt and just do anything to prevent me coming to God…….And he was right, because I was SO sure I had packed my Bible in my hand luggage. I have no memory of lifting it back out or even packing it in my main checked baggage. It still remains to be seen where that Bible is. I’ll find out when I get my baggage back or when I return to the hotel in Shenyang.
I immediately text my bro to tell him this and he was shocked but knew this was the devil at work. He told me to say “Get behind me Satan, the name of Jesus Christ my Saviour”, which I did…….several times!!
Then I remembered that when I first arrived in China I had downloaded the full King James Bible onto my laptop so Satan had tried to prevent me from reading the Bible but the Lord had a contingency plan. 1-0 to God! Halleluiah! So I proceeded to read my way through the book of Romans while I was waiting for my brother to call.
A few bible verses stuck in my head as I read down the pages. The 2 verses in particular were……
Romans Ch 3 vs. 23 (again we see the number 23)
“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God”
The next verse which stuck in my head, would you believe it…..
Romans Ch 6 vs. 23 (there really is something about this number today)
“For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
This number 23 was sticking in my head all the time now and I text the bro to let him know.
He phoned shortly after and talked to me, where I broke down again and cried and I just wished my brother could’ve been there beside me to give me a hug. He told me to write down a few bible verses to get me started.
Would you believe it, the first two verses he told me to write down were the same 2 verses I have just told you about. How’s that for spooky eh??
Anyway, we talked for another 45 minutes or so on the phone going through Bible verses and just talking to each other the way two brothers should talk. My brother and I have always been very close; yes we have had disagreements and arguments (some verbal and some physical) in the past but I have no doubt this will bring us even closer together and for this I am eternally thankful.
Just to go through a bit of what we talked about, I had previously been to Thailand in 2005 with some friends from work. I’ll not go into detail but I spent 2 weeks getting drunk and visiting strip bars and sex shows which is all too common in Thailand. I knew deep down I was doing wrong but again, I blanked it out and told myself it was all a bit of fun. But during my flight home I was my usual nervous self and I remember saying to the Lord “Lord, if you deliver me home safely to my family, I promise you I will never visit that place ever again”.
And I guess yesterday was a little test that God had set for me, to see if I would actually go through with it and break my promise to him……..How fortunate am I and how glad I now am that I didn’t break my promise to God. In passing this test God has shown mercy on me and has embraced me as one of his own. What a feeling!
It was getting very late, around 2.30am so I decided to give my brothers ears a bit of peace and quiet and head off to bed but before I went to bed I asked the Lord to make me strong in my faith, I told him I am only a beginner, a novice if you like, and that I’m not sure how to pray properly but I have no doubt he will teach me and make me strong.
Raymond’s fiancée Michelle sent me a message to officially welcome me “into the family” and told me to read psalm 121, telling me it is aimed at newly saved children. I read this before going to bed and I thanked Michelle for her prayers because I know I’ve had a lot of people praying for me lately, not least my brother and Michelle, but my grandparents and my good friend Stephen Moore, a born again Christian from Bangor, who was in China with me until half way through 2008, and who I am very fond of. Can’t wait to tell him all about this magnificent experience of mine. He’ll be overjoyed I’m sure.
The thoughts that kept running through my head before I drifted off to sleep around 3.30am were the thoughts of the words in the text message from my brother which broke me when I was all alone in Beijing airport.
“Well then you’ll be fine because he won’t let you go kid”
Its totally amazing how such a simple sentence can move someone in such a way that their life takes a complete U-Turn and a complete change of direction. Thank you Raymond and everyone else who have taken time to pray for me. I am forever thankful.
Just a note to finish on, as I am sitting here in Kenny Rodgers “Roasters” steakhouse in Beijing Airport again today (24th Jan 2009) waiting to collect my baggage from the returning flight from Bangkok, a thought has entered my head about a passage from the Bible which I remember from church as I was growing up and also from listening to my grandparents. I ran a search on this phrase “I go to prepare a place for you” using this downloaded Bible I have on my computer, not actually knowing where this passage came from in the Bible.
The verse(s) which appeared were from the book of John, Ch 14 versus 2 & 3 (notice the numbers again??) Are these numbers a mere coincidence??? I think not.
“In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.”
“And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.”
Now I know God has prepared a place for me and I couldn’t be happier. Its an amazing feeling and my stomach is still turning somersaults and I’m sure it will continue to do so for a while yet.
In closing, there are a few people I’m going to start praying for and I am doing so right now as I sit here typing. Of course first and foremost I will be praying for all my family who are not yet saved but also some of my best friends, people who I know would do anything for me as I would do for them. To mention but a few Olly, Ryan and Norman. They are good people who have hardened their hearts (in the same way I had done), but you know, for all my prayers, these people must make a decision THEMSELVES as to where they want to spend eternity. Now it may take something to break them, the way I was broken yesterday, and I pray to God that he touch their hearts the way he has touched mine.
I now know where I’ll be spending eternity…………………………...do you?
For a few days prior to Friday morning I had not exactly been as excited as I normally would have been about leaving but I couldn’t exactly explain why, even to myself. I guess that deep down in my heart I knew that going to Thailand to drink heavily, frequenting topless dancing bars was WRONG but I always seemed to try to blank that out, believing that I was just young and having fun.
Just to go off the subject a bit, I had met a young Filipino girl called Elaine just before Christmas in China (in an Irish bar that myself and the majority of my work mates would go to at weekends). Elaine and her fried Mariel are both singers in a group (very talented singers too).
I had asked this girl out on two occasions, once before Christmas and once after Christmas but she turned me down much to my disappointment. (It turns out this was simply because she didn’t know me very well or the type of person I was but after speaking to her on a number of occasions, and volunteering for singing a few times on stage, she agreed to go out with me) Just this week I had come to listen to her singing three nights, (Mon, Tue and Thurs night). Which brings us up to the present again, Friday morning.
I was having breakfast on 26th floor of the Sheraton Hotel (which is where I stay in Shenyang), and I received a text from Elaine asking me if I wanted to meet for lunch. So, of course I agreed. We arranged to meet around 12.30pm and we went for coffee and then to a Thai restaurant (of all places) for some food. We then went walking round a few Shopping Malls and took a few photographs together. We talked more than we had previously had a chance to talk in the bar and we were both asking questions about each others family and just other general things like favourite movies, music etc. I remember telling her about my brother being a Christian, she asked me if I was a Christian but I said no, and that maybe someday I could learn to be a better person…….
After that, I walked Elaine back to the Intercontinental Hotel where she stays and thumbed a taxi back to my hotel. We exchanged a few messages about how we would miss each other and I tried to cheer Elaine up by saying that 10 days would fly by and that the day I arrive back in China, I would call her right away and we could meet for lunch again.
Anyway, I raced back to my Hotel, grabbed my bags and got a taxi to the airport. I got checked through ok with time to spare and I sat anxiously waiting my flight. (when I say anxiously, I mean butterflies in my stomach because I am not too fond of flying at all). If I’m honest, its because of the frightening thought that if anything happens at 30000ft, and the plane goes down, there’s little or no chance of survival, and I was VERY afraid of dying.
I come from quite a large family, many of whom are saved and I was brought up going to church and Sunday School and taught to believe in God, who lived and then died for us all, that we might live, and who then was resurrected from the dead and ascended into Heaven to be with his Father, with the promise of returning again one day. I was not saved and had never felt convicted enough (well, maybe on a few occasions before but I never pursued this conviction and therefore still remained unsaved).
To go back to what I said previously about being afraid of dying, the reason for this is that based on what I had been taught about the bible, if a person is not saved, then he/she will never enter the Kingdom of Heaven and will be heading on a one way ticket to an eternity of flames, pain and suffering so, needless to say, you can understand why I was afraid of dying.
I boarded the flight (CA 1656, Shenyang - Beijing), seat number 23A (notice how the number 23 appears)…….My date of birth is 23/09/1981, the date I flew on was 23/01/2009, and my seat number on this flight was 23A. Spooky……
Anyway, I geared myself up for take-off and we left the runway right on time at 5.10pm, the flight time being around 1hr 15 mins. I remember thinking, “how am I going to fly the next flight (which was 4.5 - 5 hrs) if I’m already like a nervous wreck on the short flight”. The flight was a little rocky to start which sent my pulse racing a few beats higher than it already was but the last 20 mins of the flight were completely nerve-wracking for me. I thought we were goin down for sure.
There was a very pleasant Chinese girl sitting beside me who, when she saw my face turning the colour of a pint of milk, was very helpful in trying to give me reassurance and make me feel better and I thanked her afterwards and helped her off the flight with her hand luggage.
I remember thinking about God a lot on this flight (whilst practically having a cardiac arrest) and asking him to deliver me safely to Beijing, but I also remember wanting to talk to my brother, who was recently saved a few weeks before Christmas 2008. I wanted to talk to him so much!!! When I got off the flight and made my way through the transfers for International connecting flights for the next leg to Bangkok, all I could think about was God and how I needed to be saved, how I wanted to talk to my brother so much but was a little reluctant to phone him because I thought he might think I was being a bit daft and also how much I didn’t want to go to Bangkok anymore. (In retrospect I believe that was the devil at work - he didn’t want me to call my brother because he knew that today was the day when I was possibly going to be saved).
I sent my brother a text to tell him how rough the flight was and how I didn’t know how I was going to handle the next one to Bangkok. He text me back to say how scary flying can be...and added a little comment to say “when you aren’t saved that is”…….which then prompted me to reply “Will you ask the big man to keep an eye out for me?”
He then responded “I already have kid, but I also asked him that you would experience something that would change your life and bring you to him. Maybe this is it brother.”
To this I replied “Well its very close, that’s for sure”
My brothers next response to my text totally blew me away and I can remember my eyes filling up with tears when I read it, walking through Beijing airport on my own, trying to find departure gate E51.
The text message read. “Well then you’ll be fine because he won’t let you go kid”
When I read those words, I broke down and started talking to God out loud and saying “Lord…….Please DON’T let me go” “I need you, and I need you to take control of my life because I just don’t want to live like this anymore!” Right there at that moment is when I made my peace with God. How fortunate I am to be one of the lucky ones to receive him.
After I composed myself a little (because I’m sure some people were wondering why I was all teary eyed) I told Raymond I didn’t really want to go to Bangkok anymore and I didn’t know what I was going to do when I arrived there and I asked Raymond if I should turn around and go back to Shenyang, at which point he phoned me and told me that God was working on my heart and he was taking away the appetite for the things I once enjoyed. He told me that it doesn’t matter what things I have done in my life, that if I ask God into my heart, all will be forgiven.
I told Raymond that I had packed the Bible he had bought me for Christmas in my hand luggage (I always used to take the New Testament my Grandmother had bought me a couple of years before EVERYWHERE I travelled, and I ALWAYS packed it in my hand luggage but I took the Bible Raymond and Michelle got me for Christmas this time) and he said he would text me a few verses and things to read and think about. (Now remember that last sentence because it will become important later in this story)
Anyway, I had around 30 minutes before I was due to board the plane, and I had a decision to make………was I going to board that flight to Bangkok or was I going to turn on my heels and take my chances in Beijing (even though its Chinese New Year and the hope of finding a flight, train or even hotel to stay in were pretty slim because so many people travel during this week, the biggest festival week in the Chinese calendar). Raymond got off the phone and said he would phone back when he got a chance.
Decision time……..and thinking about it now, the choice was easy because the choice had already been made long before I even boarded the first flight to Beijing, and it was the right choice, I just hadn’t realised that yet - I was never going to board that flight quite simply because God had already decided he didn’t want me there. Praise the Lord!
While all these texts were flying back and forward between me and my brother, I also had a feeling that I should text Elaine back in Shenyang. I told her that the flight was really rough and that during the flight I couldn’t stop thinking about God, and told her it felt like God didn’t want me to go to Bangkok. I asked her if this sounded stupid to her but she responded by saying that it didn’t sound stupid at all, that it sounded great, and she told me to follow my heart….that it would lead me in the right direction. How right she was!
There’s a reason God placed Elaine in Shenyang and that we met and become fond of each other...that was another good reason NOT to go to Bangkok, so that I could spend more time getting to know Elaine.
I guess this was playing in my mind too, not just the fact that in my heart of hearts I knew going to Bangkok was wrong, but the fact that I had met a lovely young Filipino girl in Shenyang and we both liked each other………why should I go and ruin this good thing by hanging around in topless disco bars and clubs for the next 10 days.
So, I turned on my heels, not really sure where I was going to go next but all I knew was, I was NOT getting on that flight and that was the main thing. I made my way back to where I came through security when I spotted the Air China Business lounge, (Being a Star Alliance Gold card holder, I had free access to this business lounge) so I decided to go there in the hope that someone would be able to help me find out how I could get back through airport security and see about getting back my checked baggage before it was too late.
The two girls in the lounge were very helpful, they let me onto a computer terminal where I was able to cancel my reservation with the hotel in Bangkok so that I could minimise the amount of money they could charge to my credit card. The girls then walked me back to security where I had to have my passport visa re-stamped to confirm that I was not leaving China but in fact staying there. I thanked the girls and then made my way to the air China baggage reclaim desk to try to retrieve my baggage.
Alas, I was too late, the bag had already boarded the flight to Bangkok so I then had to fill a form out and was told to return the following day to collect my bag. When I left the Air China desk I wasn’t sure where to go next but I managed to spot a Tourism kiosk where I enquired about making a hotel reservation anywhere in Beijing for the night. Thankfully, the girl told me there was a vacancy in a Chinese hotel not far from the airport and that if I booked it there and then, they would run a free shuttle-bus service which would take me to the hotel. Fantastic I thought, just what I need!
I paid 100RMB (equivalent to £10 British money) as a deposit and then set on my way. I had to wait around 30 minutes for the bus but I didn’t mind because I then went to the 4th floor of Terminal 3 where I was earlier told that I may be able to see about getting a refund on my flights which were scheduled back to Shenyang from Bangkok on 2nd February. Unfortunately, they were unable to help me and said that I must speak to the travel agent where I originally booked the flights which is on the 4th floor of my hotel in Shenyang. I will hopefully sort this out upon my return.
Anyway, I boarded the bus and headed for the hotel. I had to pay another 1200RMB (£120) to get into my room, which was more than I had been previously told but it turned out, some of this room charge was for security deposit (in case anything was broken or stolen from the room) and I would receive some money back upon checking out in the morning (420RMB in fact) so it worked out that the room cost £88 for the night.
When I got to my room, I was texting Raymond………he said he would be busy for about an hour because he had to pick up the kids from school and things so I decided to set up my laptop computer and check my emails. It turns out that the room had no wired or wireless internet connection, (£88 per night room with no Internet connection!) Are you avin’ a laugh??
So I went back to my hand luggage and decided to lift out my Bible to have a read through the book of Romans which the bro had previously said was a great place to start. Here’s where things get even more spooky……..My Bible was GONE!!! Nowhere to be found…….I immediately thought to myself, there’s evil at work here….and I remembered back to what Raymond had said about the devil and how he works……he told me Satan would pull out all the stops to ensure that I couldn’t get close to God, he said he would try everything in his power, he would play dirty, he would hit below the belt and just do anything to prevent me coming to God…….And he was right, because I was SO sure I had packed my Bible in my hand luggage. I have no memory of lifting it back out or even packing it in my main checked baggage. It still remains to be seen where that Bible is. I’ll find out when I get my baggage back or when I return to the hotel in Shenyang.
I immediately text my bro to tell him this and he was shocked but knew this was the devil at work. He told me to say “Get behind me Satan, the name of Jesus Christ my Saviour”, which I did…….several times!!
Then I remembered that when I first arrived in China I had downloaded the full King James Bible onto my laptop so Satan had tried to prevent me from reading the Bible but the Lord had a contingency plan. 1-0 to God! Halleluiah! So I proceeded to read my way through the book of Romans while I was waiting for my brother to call.
A few bible verses stuck in my head as I read down the pages. The 2 verses in particular were……
Romans Ch 3 vs. 23 (again we see the number 23)
“For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God”
The next verse which stuck in my head, would you believe it…..
Romans Ch 6 vs. 23 (there really is something about this number today)
“For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”
This number 23 was sticking in my head all the time now and I text the bro to let him know.
He phoned shortly after and talked to me, where I broke down again and cried and I just wished my brother could’ve been there beside me to give me a hug. He told me to write down a few bible verses to get me started.
Would you believe it, the first two verses he told me to write down were the same 2 verses I have just told you about. How’s that for spooky eh??
Anyway, we talked for another 45 minutes or so on the phone going through Bible verses and just talking to each other the way two brothers should talk. My brother and I have always been very close; yes we have had disagreements and arguments (some verbal and some physical) in the past but I have no doubt this will bring us even closer together and for this I am eternally thankful.
Just to go through a bit of what we talked about, I had previously been to Thailand in 2005 with some friends from work. I’ll not go into detail but I spent 2 weeks getting drunk and visiting strip bars and sex shows which is all too common in Thailand. I knew deep down I was doing wrong but again, I blanked it out and told myself it was all a bit of fun. But during my flight home I was my usual nervous self and I remember saying to the Lord “Lord, if you deliver me home safely to my family, I promise you I will never visit that place ever again”.
And I guess yesterday was a little test that God had set for me, to see if I would actually go through with it and break my promise to him……..How fortunate am I and how glad I now am that I didn’t break my promise to God. In passing this test God has shown mercy on me and has embraced me as one of his own. What a feeling!
It was getting very late, around 2.30am so I decided to give my brothers ears a bit of peace and quiet and head off to bed but before I went to bed I asked the Lord to make me strong in my faith, I told him I am only a beginner, a novice if you like, and that I’m not sure how to pray properly but I have no doubt he will teach me and make me strong.
Raymond’s fiancée Michelle sent me a message to officially welcome me “into the family” and told me to read psalm 121, telling me it is aimed at newly saved children. I read this before going to bed and I thanked Michelle for her prayers because I know I’ve had a lot of people praying for me lately, not least my brother and Michelle, but my grandparents and my good friend Stephen Moore, a born again Christian from Bangor, who was in China with me until half way through 2008, and who I am very fond of. Can’t wait to tell him all about this magnificent experience of mine. He’ll be overjoyed I’m sure.
The thoughts that kept running through my head before I drifted off to sleep around 3.30am were the thoughts of the words in the text message from my brother which broke me when I was all alone in Beijing airport.
“Well then you’ll be fine because he won’t let you go kid”
Its totally amazing how such a simple sentence can move someone in such a way that their life takes a complete U-Turn and a complete change of direction. Thank you Raymond and everyone else who have taken time to pray for me. I am forever thankful.
Just a note to finish on, as I am sitting here in Kenny Rodgers “Roasters” steakhouse in Beijing Airport again today (24th Jan 2009) waiting to collect my baggage from the returning flight from Bangkok, a thought has entered my head about a passage from the Bible which I remember from church as I was growing up and also from listening to my grandparents. I ran a search on this phrase “I go to prepare a place for you” using this downloaded Bible I have on my computer, not actually knowing where this passage came from in the Bible.
The verse(s) which appeared were from the book of John, Ch 14 versus 2 & 3 (notice the numbers again??) Are these numbers a mere coincidence??? I think not.
“In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.”
“And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.”
Now I know God has prepared a place for me and I couldn’t be happier. Its an amazing feeling and my stomach is still turning somersaults and I’m sure it will continue to do so for a while yet.
In closing, there are a few people I’m going to start praying for and I am doing so right now as I sit here typing. Of course first and foremost I will be praying for all my family who are not yet saved but also some of my best friends, people who I know would do anything for me as I would do for them. To mention but a few Olly, Ryan and Norman. They are good people who have hardened their hearts (in the same way I had done), but you know, for all my prayers, these people must make a decision THEMSELVES as to where they want to spend eternity. Now it may take something to break them, the way I was broken yesterday, and I pray to God that he touch their hearts the way he has touched mine.
I now know where I’ll be spending eternity…………………………...do you?
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